Starting to find love again after a divorce is not easy. When I first vowed at the altar that we would be together forever until death do us part, it was probably the most solemn words of my life. But fate would have it no other way. And it took me two years to get out of trouble and start believing again. And I don’t just mean believing in myself, but believing in love in general. Friends ask me how I did it, how I was able to overcome such a thing and fall in love again. It wasn’t easy.

I did it, but more people have done it in their lives. I even know someone who fell in love within a month after a divorce. Unfortunately, his relationship ended very quickly after that. Although this is a very individual matter, psychologists have something to say about the situation and they believe there is an ideal time to start looking for a new relationship after a divorce.

Mental readiness is crucial

There is no universal answer to the question of when exactly to start dating again after divorce. Most experts agree that time alone is not the main factor. What is more important is whether the person has already processed his emotions, stopped comparing the people around him with his former partner and is not looking for a new relationship just because of the emptiness. Just the last case happened to my mentioned friend, even he himself was not surprised when actually his new relationship did not work out.

Psychologists state that most persons are ready to look for a new partner usually 2-3 months after a divorce. But sometimes it’s more complicated and a person needs six months or more. “What’s more important is how well you handled the breakup, not how much time has passed,” Match explains. Starting a new relationship too soon can mean seeking out a relationship that is more likely to just help us from the pain but not fulfill us with anything new.

A person needs some time to themselves after a divorce and should not immediately rush into a new relationship. But waiting unnecessarily long can only hinder your happiness. ━━ A person needs some time to themselves after a divorce and should not immediately rush into a new relationship. But waiting unnecessarily long can only hinder your happiness. ( Source: Anastasia Sklyar /  Unsplash+ )

Waiting too long is also not ideal

Although researchers stress that rushing into a new relationship doesn’t pay off, waiting too long isn’t ideal either. I found a new love after two years. And according to many experts, that’s quite a long time. “People who quickly start a new relationship are not necessarily worse off. In some areas, they seem to perform better than those who wait too long,” explains a study on the Sage Journals website.

A new relationship can provide emotional support, affirmation of self-worth and a fresh start in identity. Waiting for 100 percent recovery is not healthy, often not even realistic. If a person refuses to believe in love again, their life will lose a whole host of values, it will change them. It is necessary to acknowledge that fortune may smile upon us again, but most importantly to overcome the fear that the situation will turn out the same way again.

That was the biggest problem for me too. And honestly, to this day, I feel like nothing is certain in life anymore. Because even though I once believed it would “be forever”, it wasn’t in the end. But is that a reason to be alone? Not to take a chance and find love again? In my opinion, no.